Dunkin Donuts Sucks
Avid readers of L’histoire de sa vie know that I have no problem both exposing things that suck and ruthlessly complaining about them. In the past, I’ve managed to cover such institutions as the NYPL (twice!), and Tom’s Restaurant. Well now I shall turn that energy toward a much larger corporation, namely Dunkin’ Donuts.
The single most important reason that Dunkin’ Donuts sucks is their doughnuts. See, they offer a wide variety of menu items, many of which are called “doughnuts” but none of which are actually doughnuts. At best, they are cake in doughnut shape. Doughnuts are, by definition, a ring of batter that is deep-fried. Thus, a doughnut should taste deep-fried, not like a baked cake that coincidentally shares the same shape as a bagel.
These doughnuts should be more sweet than bready. Yet Dunkin’ Donuts doughnuts contain 31g of Carbohydrates, of which only 12g are Sugars! Compare this to Shipley Donuts (the greatest doughnuts in the world) which have 25g of Carbs, 16g of which are Sugars! That’s 33% more sugars, in a doughnut with 16% less overall Carbs!
However, I have been led to believe that the doughnuts are not the main fare of Dunkin’ Donuts. Their advertisements all focus on their coffee, as do those who go there often. It seems that the coffee is the reason for the doughnuts and not vice versa.
Well, I don’t drink coffee, so I can’t speak to whether it’s good or not, but I can say this: if the coffee is the reason for the place, and the doughnuts are secondary, why does the name focus on the doughnuts? This causes serious confusion and multiple times in my life, I’ve stated my love for doughnuts and someone has responded suggesting that I should be happy that there are many Dunkin’ Donuts stores nearby.
This could not be further from the truth. Every Dunkin’ in my vicinity reminds me how I am far from the nearest Shipley (apparently the closest one to NY is outside Nashville, TN) and further emphasizes the failings of the North. (There are good doughnut places in the North, but they are few and far between.)
Thus I think Dunkin’ Donuts should change their name. In Spain, they are known as Dunkin’ Coffee, but this provides another problem, namely, as my mom once observed:
That’s stupid. The whole point is you dunk the donuts into the coffee. What are you supposed to dunk the coffee in?
Clearly this is an issue. Thus I propose the following names: Dunkin’ Cakes; Dunkin’ Cake-rings; Dunkin’ Not-Donuts; or Crappy Donuts. Surely this will solve these problems and allow me to move on to other issues in the world.
I think the quality of coffee sold at Dunkin Donuts varies by region . . but when I lived in Massachusetts, all DD shops made great coffee. . . and many had drive-throughs. . . ‘
I think the complaint that the donuts aren’t fried batter is stupid. DD sells a lot of mighty tasty sugary shit that tastes best with their good coffee. . .
Good coffee comes from clean pots. When D. D. first started, they advertised that their coffee was never more than 7 minutes old. At that time their coffee was decent. However, over the years, store management has changed, the present proprietors do not have a clue about good coffee and when a pot runs dry they proceed to make new coffee directly into the old scorched pot. 7-11 does the same!UGH! I’ve never tasted dish water but I would guess that both of these coffees are worse!!!
The only Dunkin Donuts in Colorado Springs are the sixties vintage stores. They are all dirty and all have swill for coffee. They are also all run by surly asian women who presumably hate donuts.
I have often lamented the lack of nice Dunkin Donuts locations in Colorado. When I see an advertisement for an East-Coast Dunkin Donuts, I feel robbed.
To hell with Dunkin Donuts and their ilk for making me feel unworthy of a nice donut store.
We used to have a few very nice, local, mon-and-pop donut shops in town, until Krispy-Kreme moved in and put everyone except the low-class Dunkins out of business. The Krispy Kreme then shut down and abandoned their building (still empty), leaving us all boned. You can’t get a decent donut in Colorado Springs anymore.
I would not live long without Dunkin Donuts’ coffee. I don’t eat their donuts, but their bagels are decent. I hope you’ll try their coffee sometime – it is absolutely amazing.
I saw the title and almost knew what to expect. I think we’ve had this conversation many times. Shipley’s is indeed amazing! I’d be happy to visit a Shipley’s with you over Thanksgiving break.
And I’m a fan of the Dunkin- Not Donuts name.
Unquestionably. We will for sure hit up some Shipley during T-day.
I hate DD coffee….but love their hashbrowns. They’re like tater tots
(Also,the word verification thing at the end of this post asked me to write \birth-control saunas.\ I think that’s pretty hysterical.)
actually, about a third of their donuts are the fried kind – all of the filled ones for example. Anywho, the donuts, bagels, coffee and service sucks royally and I wish I didn’t live in Massachusetts, where there is one on every block and the only alternative is Honey Dew, which is identical in every way except their crappy coffee is also watered down.