L'histoire de sa vie

Last night after a GS Bowling event at Harlem Lanes, I joined a bunch of friends at the Columbia Basketball game versus Dartmouth. First of all, and perhaps most importantly, Columbia won. This is a big deal, since I have been led to believe that such a thing is a rare feat indeed.

In addition to the victory, the game was amazing fun, largely because we were seated behind the band (led by Jager!) and every time they erupted in song, we would go crazy, singing the lyrics and then responding with cheers. Similarly, we seemed at times to be the most excited fans in the “arena,” because of our screaming and cheering for the Lions.

Which brings me to my main point: the Columbia Lions’ mascot is, as one would expect, a lion. Fine. That’s truly awesome. What is not awesome is his name: Roar-ee. Frankly, this is unacceptable. I’ve been given such excuses as “Oh, Rory is a name,” and “He’s a lion. He says ‘roar!’” but all I can hear is, “LAME.” His name is hyphenated and the second part is just two ‘E’s.

Frankly, as Ivy League students, we can do better. Hell, as anybody with half a brain we can do better. “Roar-ee” is hands-down the stupidest name for a mascot ever, narrowly defeating the Philly Phanatic. It’s time for change. I’d like Columbia to do better, and I’m launching such a campaign now. I welcome your support.

Last night was CU Casino Night, sponsored by the four student councils as well as a bunch of different clubs, including the Southeast Asian Design and Something Or Other In Cambodia or Laos or Some Other Southeast Asian Country (SEADSOCLSOSEAC), at whose blackjack table I spent most of my time. When I entered, it was just to have fun, until I saw the pamphlet that listed the prizes you could buy with your chip winnings.

The pamphlet said that there were raffles one could enter for various prizes including gift cards (who the heck wants a Chipotle Gift Card?) a DVD, a Playstation 3, or an Asus Netbook. Obviously some neat things. It also said (more importantly) that there were three prizes you could buy straight up: Casino Night Shooters, Champagne Flutes, or Columbia Bartending Agency Classes.

That last one is worth $200 straight up. Suddenly I had a goal. We started with 3000 in chips and I needed 6000 for the Bartending classes. So I sat down at the Asian blackjack table with Shai and Yoni and began playing. I was doing okay, winning a hundred here, losing a hundred there. I got a couple blackjacks. All was well. But it was gonna take some serious work to get to 6000.

And that’s when Yoni showed me the black chip. He explained that it was worth 5000 and he had been given it for free at the entrance. I asked how, and he said that they thought it was worth zero. There was a disconnect between the workers at the front and the tables. I had to get one. With Yoni’s suggestion, I went to the front and used this line: “My friend got a black chip from you and now he can’t stop winning. Can I get one of those luck charms?” The woman looked at me funny but gave me the chip.

Bam. I set 6000 aside and put it in my pocket. My target was complete, but I still had a little over 2000. I decided to get a shooter and I began playing to 3000. Once I got it, I stepped back from the table, convinced that I would be great in Vegas because I know when to stop.

Then I tried to cash in for the prizes. I found the prize table, but it was closed, not to open until eleven! It was my goal to depart the premises at ten, so this presented a serious problem to me. I found the man in charge, a guy named Andrew, and we had a discussion. I explained that I was old and needed to get my sleep (yes I pulled the GS card) and he said he’d see what he could do.

I explained that I wanted the bartending classes and he said that he thought no one would want them, hence the reason they are selling them straight up instead of auctioning them. He also explained that they had only two to sell.

At 9:55, they made an announcement from the stage: glasses were on “sale” now and raffles would be at eleven. I went to the prize table, first person in line. “Which do you want?” the meek girl asked me. I responded that I had 9000 chips and I fully intended to acquire both a shooter and the Columbia Bartending classes.

She explained that the Bartending classes were available at eleven, and I protested: “But that’s not a raffle! It’s a straight-up buy like the glasses!” She said, “you’re right! Let me talk to this guy who’s in charge.” So she pulled her friend Sean over and he said, “Yeah, give it to him.” Sean then signed my certificate to make it official.

And thus through various forms of hoodwinkery, I walked away with two-hundred dollars worth of Bartending lessons. Bartending, here I come!

Yesterday was the first meeting of the semester for the Columbia University Bowling Club, aka the sickest club there is on campus. We had seven people show up to Harlem lanes and bowl for a little over an hour (two games), while the State of the Union played in the background. Here’s some highlights from the night:

• On the very last roll of the very last frame of the first game, Shai, Yoni, and I managed to just break our combined goal, literally by four pins.
• In the two games combined, I had four strikes. Three were in the second game, in the form of a strike and a double.
• Shai rolled a 178 in the second game, far and away the best score of the night. It included a Turkey. Unbelievable.
• It’s sad that Harlem Lanes doesn’t have the old computer system. The cartoons are odd and when I get a strike, it shows a clip rather than saying “Malcolm X” (I always have my name as Malcolm when bowling).
• However, Harlem Lanes does have the best music selection by far. Also it was 8:30 when we started, yet cosmic bowling was already happening. There’s nothing quite like cosmic bowling.

It looks like it’s gonna be a pretty good year for the CU Bowling Club, after a hiatus last semester. No more bush-league stuff.

First, it appears that my post on Monday was some kind of “breaking news” or something, as it attracted quite a few commenters who were suffering the same problem. Odd.

Over Winter Break, I filled out an application to become a Computer Science TA, thinking that, like the last time I applied, I would be overlooked. However, when I got back to school, I received an email only hours before the first day of classes: I was picked to be a TA for W1004, Introduction to Computer Science. [Pronounced Ten-Oh-Four.]

Well, I’ve already had two TA meetings (there are eight of us), sent a rad email to the students for whom I serve as the primary TA, and yesterday, I held my first Office Hours, hoping that students would show up, but cognizant of the fact that their first assignment isn’t due for nearly a week and that like I tend to do, they will likely procrastinate.

About forty five minutes into the Office Hours, having received no students yet having made serious headway on my Operating Systems homework, I received these tweets from Brody:

They never come to office hours for that class

Really. You should expect two kids, later in the semester. The desperate failure, and the smarmy A+++ kid.

I mean, keep in mind: 1004 students are learning how to attend college so they are clueless in more than just OO

Of course, only seconds later, a first student walked in the door. “Is this the TA help room?” He asked. I responded in the affirmative, as did the other random TA for some other class also presumably without students who care about Office Hours. He introduced himself to me as one of my students (not just a 1004 student but one in my mini-group) and asked a few questions about the class itself.

It was just an introduction, but honestly, a welcome distraction from OS homework and general boredom. At the time I think I was doing a Sporcle quiz as a distraction, so even though there was no Java to teach, a real human being was an upgrade.

Nonetheless, I’m looking forward to my future Office Hours. Hopefully, Brody is wrong and students will take advantage of my help. If not, at least I’ll get along fine on my OS homework!

Yesterday I got what is possibly the oddest Spam email I think I’ve ever received. I’m not sure why I got it, where my email was harvested (I’m actually really good with my email address to avoid harvesting, and have done a good job – I’m literally stuck on only one spam list, for the Houston Rockets), or what the heck the point of it was.

I used to get lots of spam before I had my domain because once you sign up for one list, you’re stuck with all the lists to which they decide to sell your address. So I was inundated with ads for credit ratings, Nigerian princes, and various erectile dysfunction drugs.

The combination of my good email practices and Microsoft Outlook’s Spam filter has made it so that today I live in a nearly spam-free environment. Yet the email I received yesterday did not get stopped by my spam filter (possibly due to its lack of links to anything, as well as its fine English) and showed up in my inbox. So I opened it. The contents are cryptic. I did not request such a recipe, nor does the website from which the email claims to be load. Here’s the full email:

From: Administrative Support [service@rfghnb.com]
Subject: Requested update.

Recipe: Overnight Fruit Salad

Ingredients

1 small head cabbage, shredded (about 5 cups)
1 15oz can pineapple chunks, well drained
2 11oz cans mandarin orange sections, drained
2 cups seedless green grapes
1/3 cups light raisins
1 1/2 cups cubed Edam cheese
1 8oz carton lemon yogurt
1 cup dairy sour cream

Instructions :

1. Place cabbage on bottom of large salad bowl.
2. Top with pineapple chunks, mandarin orange sections, grapes and raisins. Sprinkle cheese atop.
3. Combine yogurt and sour cream; spread over salad, sealing to edge of bowl
4. Cover and refrigerate for 4 to 24 hours. If desired, garnish with lemon and lime twist, curly endive, and a grape.

I ask you: What the heck?

The other day, walking on Broadway, I saw this stroller. If you look closely (or click on it to see the full size image), you will see that it is labeled “Jeep” on the top and “Wrangler Unlimited” on the bottom. That’s right, I’m supposed to believe that this stroller is the stroller equivalent of an actual Jeep Wrangler Unlimited. On first view, this comparison isn’t too ridiculous: both have four-wheel drive, “cloth seats with adjustable head restraints,” brakes, and a 3.8-Liter V6 Engine. Now that’s pickup!

Of course on another look, this seems ludicrous. Why would there be a Jeep-branded stroller? Does anyone actually like their Jeep so much that they would buy a stroller for their kid based on the name alone? And does that person expect that the stroller was in fact made on Jeep assembly lines in Auburn Hills, Michigan? Further, as Chrysler has been having numerous troubles due to their bankruptcy, should that person assume that the stroller may soon be attached to a non-existent Chrysler subsidiary?

Of course, this Jeep stroller isn’t the first example of ridiculous product licensing, but it’s certainly one of the most wacky. Among my other favorites are the Jack Daniel’s Barbecue Sauce (delicious although it contains no Jack Daniel’s), as well as the Houston Astros 4GB Flash Drive Keychain (awesome though I can’t help but wonder if perhaps had Cecil Cooper used one of these, his organization might have been better?)

I once met someone whose job it was to coordinate this kind of brand licensing between products. I can’t remember much about this person except that there was some discussion regarding Happy Meal toys and movies. What I do know is that there’s a fine line between promotional licensing, such as Happy Meals, loosely-connected licensing (the Jack Daniel’s Barbecue sauce might make you want to drink Jack Daniel’s?), and simply ridiculous licensing such as this jeep stroller.

But on the other hand, when I have kids, I think I’ll be comforted by the “Advanced multistage front airbags,” and the “Off-road tested emergency brake system,” because if there’s one thing I will be practicing, it’s reckless stroller-pushing.

A continuation of my “Confession” series, modeled after Alana’s “Sunday Confessional.”

The title says it all: my handwriting is what can only be termed abysmal. It’s pretty much always been this way, at least as far back as I can remember. There was a time, in early elementary school, where I was given a notebook with large space for practicing handwriting with the goal of preventing this exact problem.

You probably know exactly the notebook I’m talking about: it had blue lines and red lines, with a big dotted line in between. The idea was that short letters (lower-case, I suppose) would be below the dotted line, and connecting bars on tall letters (like the horizontal bar on ‘H’) would go on the dotted lines. The area was divided into two areas, those areas legal for small letters and parts of big letters and those areas legal only for the tops of the big letters.

Having been taught that prejudice is wrong, this seemed awfully letterist to me and I rebelled. Or perhaps I just lacked the motor-coordination required to write neatly. Either way, my penmanship grades were always the lowest of any grades I’ve received, even to this day.

It also helps that I don’t know cursive. I mean, I can read it, and I suppose I could probably write each letter if I tried hard enough, but I never learned to string them all together as necessary. Especially not with any reasonable speed.

So when I read this article at Neatorama, I was thrilled, shocked, and saddened simultaneously. Thrilled to find out that others share my problems. Shocked that handwriting is so judged (even though I certainly experienced this in middle and high school). And saddened by the fact that the SAT Writing Exam provides lower test scores to those with poor handwriting. [I never took the “new SAT” with the writing section though, so I avoided this.]

Therefore, I urge any of you who otherwise judge people on their handwriting to stop doing so; there are too many of us in the world with poor handwriting but otherwise good writing skills. Handwriting should not be what holds us back from being able to exchange ideas; rather, it is an impediment that should be removed. This blog, after all, is not handwritten. If it were, the results (see above) would be disastrous!

Finally, on important forms, I write in all caps. My caps handwriting isn’t that bad, so it works out. But sometimes when I’m distracted, even that looks bad. It really comes down to the amount of time I have to write. The more time available, the better my handwriting will be. Contrast this to typing, where, even if I have hardly any time, I can still produce a beautiful document using LaTeX. Once again, technology frees us.

So technically I still have two outstanding classes which I have yet to attend (Databases is a seminar on Mondays only and the other is explained below) but I’ve attended the bulk of my classes in two days so I figured I’d provide a prediction-rundown similar to last semester.

God, Torah, Israel – The professor seems good; she’s German. The workload seems normal. The class is FULL though, with way too many people, many of whom, if they open their mouth (a risk since it’s a philosophy class) will lead only to annoyance.

Operating Systems – This will be the hardest class I ever take. Unquestionably. But on the other hand it looks like it will be pretty awesome so hopefully I won’t be consumed with the intensity of the course.

Galaxies and Cosmology – The professor is Dutch and wants us to call him by his first name. Also I learned that ‘galaxy’ is Greek for “Milky Way.” So that’s awesome. I think I’m gonna have a fun time in this class.

Advanced Talmud – Another Talmud class with Professor Milgram, so obviously I’m thrilled. The workload is gonna be much more than last semester, which is good as it will separate the wheat from the chaff.

Men & Women in American Jewish Culture – So I won’t actually be taking this class. I attended the first class though, and here’s my thoughts: the readings and content look awesome. Unfortunately, the workload is absolutely ridiculous for and we’re expected to show up during Spring Break.

The Dean of the undergraduate school expects us to show up during Spring Break because it’s a “graduate class.” All this for what basically serves as an elective for me (it fulfills a history requirement for JTS. I can/will fulfill this with one of many other classes in the future.)

No thank you. So I replaced it with Special Topics in Computer Science, which I’ll experience for the first time later today, though in communications with the professor seems like it will be infinitely better and which counts toward my Columbia major.

A couple months back, I started The Great Candy Tournament to determine the best candy bar of all time. Well the results are in! With tons of votes from all across the continent, here’s the final bracket and thus winner:

Click the picture for a larger view. Not much larger, but I do what I can. As you can see, there were a few surprises. Some candies I expected to advance did not do so while others that I thought were not as great succeeded. 3 Musketeers, for example, is a candy I used to love as a young child but find relatively repulsive nowadays. Yet it advanced past two competitors, including the extremely worthy 100 Grand, which, in my opinion, should have easily made the Elite Eight.

It does not surprise me in the least that Snickers and Reese’s faced off in the final round. I had picked Reese’s to win from the beginning (as did many voters, according to their comments) but others informed me of their Snickers love and I was worried that there would be an upset.

Overall I had an awesome time putting this together. So I’m definitely going to do another one. I have some theme ideas, and it also gave me an idea for this semester’s version of my highly successful Oktoberfest Beer Party, which will be relaunched as a beer rating/tasting party! Stay tuned! [Oh, and Reese’s FTW!]

For a long time now, I’ve had a tradition regarding what I consider to be one of the most important American holidays, namely, Martin Luther King day. See, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was one of the most influential people in American history, one of the many people that make me truly proud to be an American.

His death was one of the saddest losses in human history, but it was his life that truly paved the way for change in the world. My mother recently recalled to me her memories of the first black student and teacher joining her previously all-white Elementary school. Yet for me, I was born in an understanding that it is not the “color of their skin” but rather the “content of their character” that defines a person.

Since his life was such a beacon of inspiration unto his present and future, I was always thoroughly disappointed growing up to find that MLK day was treated as “just another day off” from school, with no major celebrations. Thus I and my friends decided to create an MLK day tradition, one I have kept up to this day: MLKshakes.

Basically it’s simple, I join friends and we drink shakes to honor Doctor King. Yesterday I had a Cookies and Cream shake (delicious) and watched the Samuel L Jackson film, Jackie Brown, if only because I’d like to think that Dr King would have loved such a movie. After all, I certainly do. Almost as much as the creamy goodness that makes up an MLKshake.